Before I was a dad, I was just a dude. A dude that liked breweries and food trucks. And when you’re a dude, you don’t pay much attention to your waistline until it’s too late and you have to start going to the gym. But then I became a dad.
The day I came back from paternity leave, I was flooded with compliments on our new addition. I was so proud to be a dad. They say the camera adds 10 pounds. Well I say becoming a dad will take off 20. That’s because another thing happened when I returned to work. People asked me if I’d lost weight. I was puzzled, no, in-fact I put on five pounds while I was getting used to sleepless nights and eating one handed with my daughter in the other. Then it all clicked. Almost like a magic trick, I realized I had achieved the Dad bod all the tabloids were talking about. And I was unknowingly getting praise for it. Pre-birth, chubby hubby. Post-birth, Chris Pratt. It’s like I got a free pass to share a wardrobe with Jim Gaffigan. And the best part is, I’m saving money by not having to go to the gym anymore. And I still get to eat and drink my favorite foods. It's a wonder diet.
So I say to all the bachelors at RPA. Stop wasting time trying to get that unattainable trophy body on the cover of GQ. You can feel like a new man again. You just have to dedicate your entire life to a baby. Thanks to my daughter, Syd the Kid, I feel sexier every day.